The Terminal Squall
by Abobo's Revenge
Summary: In this funky funky parody of Michael Crichton's "The Terminal Man", Squall has an accident that leaves gonad-less. He goes insane and begins wreaking havok around Garden. Nida is left to restore order.


Disclaimer: I don't own The Terminal Man or FF8. But I _do_ own this fic. So ya better not touch it...wouldn't wanna make me hafta blow up yer house or anything...heh heh...

The Accident

Squall was walking along in Balamb Garden's Quad, minding his own business. He wasn't doing anything in particular.

I'll try to be more social, he though, maybe I'll make some friends.

This was very unlike Squall, and he knew it. Maybe I'm sick, he thought. Maybe I need to go to the hospital. Maybe I have brain damage! Oh no! I can't have brain damage!!

He started to kind of freak out, and a girl walked up to him and asked, "are you okay?"

"Yeah," Squall said as calmly as possible.

"You look really pale," the girl said.

"It's all right."

"Well, okay," the girl said, and she walked off to leave Squall all alone in the Quad.

He saw a stool on the stage and decided to sit down on it. He was thinking about how much he hated the hospital, when Zell approached him.

"Yo, Squall!" He said. "How're ya?"

"I think I'm going insane."

"Oh," Zell said. "Um... like how?"

"Like I want to be more social."

"Holy poop!" Zell exclaimed.

"Yeah."

"Well, do you want me to get the doctor?"

"Okay."

Zell left to get Dr. Kadawaki or whatever the heck her name is.

Squall was left thinking to himself. He wondered, am I really insane? I don't feel any different.

He was about to leave, when he heard a creaking above his head, over the stage. He looked up, and saw a stage light swinging by a frayed cord directly above his face, about ten feet above his head.

"Aw, crap."

There was a loud _snap_ and the light fell directly towards his face. His last though before the darkness took him over was: "I hope I don't have to go to the hospital."

The Hostpital

Squall woke up in the damn hospital He sat up, and his head began to hurt like a sonuvagun. He groaned and sat back down. The pain seemed to be emanating from his nose and groin.

"So, you're awake, Puberty Boy," Seifer's voice said. Squall couldn't see him. His head was pounding so badly, he didn't want to open his eyes.

"Uhrrg," he said.

"'Uhrrg' is right," Seifer said to him. "You should see your face. It looks like mush. And your other, uh, parts..." He trailed off.

"Whuhhh...?" Squall mumbled. "Parrtsss...?"

"Well, uh, the doctor will fill you in," Seifer said.

"Why arrr yoooou thuhhh ohhhnnnlee prrrrsun heaarrrr?" Squall drawled out.

"Because of Garden Days," Seifer said.

Squall thought back. Garden Days? What was that? He thought for a moment. It rang a bell... oh! He remembered that Garden Days was the annual celebration of Garden's opening. Everyone went to the parade in Balamb. Except Squall, because he didn't want to. It was just the kind of thing he hated.

"If you're wondering why you can't talk very well, it's because you're doped up," Seifer said. "And I'm only here because I didn't go to Garden Days either. And I'm only being nice to you because you look like you got hit by a bus."

I feel like I've been hit by a bus...

Squall heard the door open, and footsteps coming towards him.

"Hello, Squall," a heavy male voice said to him. It was one he didn't recognize.

"Uhhn."

"My name is Dr. Ross," the doctor said. "I'm going to help you."

"Uhhkayy."

"Do you want know about the operations we're going to perform?" Dr. Ross asked him.

"Yuh-huh," Squall "said."

"Yes? Good," Dr. Ross said. "You are very lucky, Squall. You could have easily been killed. The stage light didn't push any bone fragments into your brain when it hit."

"Luhhheee mee."

"Uh-huh," Dr. Ross said. He flipped to a different page on his clipboard. "Ah! Here we are!"

Squall still couldn't open his eyes.

"The first operation is relatively simple," the doc said, "Basically we're just going to try to reconstruct your face. Does that sound okay to you, Squall?"

"Yuh."

"Good," he said. "Now the second operation is a little more...involved."

"Heh?"

"After your accident, the rest of overhead stage equipment fell on top of you, severely damaging your gonads. They are now useless. Do you understand, Squall?"

"WHURRRRRGHHH!!!!!"

"We'll have to remove them, Squall."

"HUUUUURRRRRPH!!!!!"

"If we don't, they could become infected and cause incredible pain or even kill you."

"Aaaarrgh!"

"Do you want to proceed with that operation?"

"No! I don't want my testicles removed."

"I see you speak normally now," the doctor said. "And it's not just your testicles. Everything must go."

Sounded like a commercial for clearance furniture. Everthing must go.

"Even... Mr. Happy?"

"Son, Mr. Happy is already dead."

"Nooooooooo!!!!!!"

"I'm sorry." (Not really, but you know, "doctor sorry.")

"I don't believe it."

"Damn," Seifer said. "I actually feel sorry for you, Squall."

"I guess I have no choice but to go along with it."

"Very wise choice, Squall."

"Dude," Seifer said. "You'd better be sedated. Heavily."

"Yeah. Will I be asleep?"

"Oh, yes," Dr. Ross said. "You'll be very asleep."

"Maybe you'll dream about having your nads back," Seifer said.

The Operation

"This is the anesthetic," the man said. Squall was so damn scared about losing his precious cargo that he didn't really care what it was. It could've been methane or cyanide or flowing lava and his response would be:

"Just give it to me."

"It'll sting a bit," he heard the man say, as he injected Squall with the anesthetic. "Now, count back from 100."

Squall began to count. "100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 91, 90, 89, 88, 87..."

Minutes later....

"...9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0." Squall finished counting. "So now am I supposed to be asleep?"

"Uhh, yeah."

"Oh."

"Why don't we give him carthanthynil?" One guy asked.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Because they're only used on elephants."

"This boy obviously has a distributed nervous system."

"I suppose you're right."

One of the men went over to a drawer and filled a new syringe. He walked back over.

"Now, Squall, this syringe has very powerful elephant tranquilizers in it," the man said. "We got them at a park in Nairobi. You'll feel another sting and then you'll fall asleep."

He felt the sting of the needle.

Elephant tranquilizers? Squall thought. Those must be some pretty powerful...

"SSSSSHHHHNNNNAAAAAARRRRRKKKKKKK.............." Squall snored.

***

Squall woke up, very groggily. He opened his eyes. He couldn't see anything!!! He was blind!! Aaaaaahhhh!!!

He felt his face in sudden panic, and realized that it was bandaged. 

Oh, he thought. False alarm.

"Hey, Squall," a voice said. Who was it? "This is Dr. Ross."

"Mmmph," Squall said all muffled-like.

"We'll take that off soon," the doctor said. "In the meantime, you can listen to some TV."

Squall heard the doctor walk away. Then he heard the click of the TV coming on. 

"...Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" A high-pitched voice said.

"You-" click!

"Let's try something more soothing," Dr. Ross said, flipping the channels. He settled on one, and then left, gently closing the door behind him.

I hope he picked someting good, Squall thought.

"Gotta Catch 'em All!" The TV said.

"MMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Squall said.

***

Hours have passed. Squall had managed to get some sleep, but the annoying "Pika pika!" always woke him up.

It was driving him insane!!!

After a while a nurse or someone came in. "You have a visitor," she said.

Squall could hear footsteps on his left side.

"Squall," the person's voice said. "I heard about your, uh, unfortunate accident."

Squall made a muffled, inquisitve noise.

"Nida."

There was a pause.

"You know," Nida said. "I became a SeeD with you."

Squall made an affirmative noise.

"The doctors are going to take the bandages off in a few hours," Nida said. 

He thought for a moment, then said, "Well, just the ones on your head."

"I'll stay here with you for as long as you like," Nida said uncomfortably. "I don't know what kind of comfort that is to you, though."

Squall didn't care who stayed with him, as long as they turned the freakin' Pokemon off the freakin' TV!!!

"I didn't know you like Pokemon, Squall," Nida said, surprised. "Well...whatever."

Nida didn't turn off the TV. Squall suffered more. Eventually, he fell asleep.

After an hour or so, Nida fell asleep too. He didn't get any rest, and he woke up again in a few moments. He suddenly realized how hungry he was.

"I doubt Squall would mind if I snuck out for a minute for eats," he said out loud.

He looked over at Squall, still sleeping like a bandaged, sedated baby.

Nida left to hit the MacAlmasy's across the street from the hospital.

The Revenge

When Nida got back with his Chicken MacAlmasy's Burger, and MacAlmasy's French Fries, and Diet Coke, he discovered something shocking!

"Oh my God," he said, in disbelief. He looked down at his hand. His fries were occupying it. "My fries."

He picked up a french fried potato. He looked at it. He put it in his mouth. He chewed it. He gave it the ol' Heave-ho. "Brrr," he shivered. "Cold fry!!!"

But he was about to recieve an even bigger shock as he approached Squall's hospital room.

Squall was gone.

"Um," Nida said. "Crap."

He looked feebly around Squall's room. "Squall?"

He ran and found a nurse, but not before finishing his MacAlmasy's. He called the police, and told them that a recovering patient had broken out of the hospital and couldn't be found. He requested that the hospital be assisted in the search for Squall.

The hospital soon became like a battle station, with everyone on alert and tense.

Nida was talking to one of the orderlies. "I shouldn't have left him alone."

"It's not your fault. You have to eat sometime."

"But what if something happens to him?" Nida said.

"It won't be your fault," the orderly said. "Don't think about it."

In the process of trying not to think about it, Nida thought about it. He started feeling even worse. He's that kinda guy.

"I hope everything turns out okay," Nida said.

  
***

Two SeeDs looked over a deceased girl's body in Balamb Garden.

"Look at this," the first, Nick, said. "Blunt force trauma to the back of the head"

"That's nasty," the second, Steve, said. "Who was she?"

"Rinoa, I think," Nick said. "We're looking around for clues as to who did it now."

There was a shout from the bathroom. "Look at this!"

Nick and Steve ran over to where the other SeeD shouted from. Inside the shower, a sticky note was stuck to the wall. It said:

_How could you do this to me? I'm going to kill you all now. Garden will be no more. I'm sorry I have to do this, but you left me no choice. You didn't even come to see me._

Squall Leonhart

"I think we know who did it," Steve said.

***

Nida was sitting in the lounge, waiting for any kind of message. He vaguely heard a phone ring somewhere.

'Nida!!" Dr. Ross said. He saw him and said, "Someone is on the phone for you."

Nida walked over and picked up the reciever. "Hello?"

"Nida," a Southern-accented voice said. It was Irvine! He sounded like he was crying. "Nida, it's Rinoa."

"Rinoa?!" Nida exclaimed. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's dead."

"...dead...?" Nida said, in shock. "What happened...?"

"Squall killed her," Irvine said. "He hit her in the back of the head and killed her."

"Oh my God," Nida said. "It's my fault."

"Your fault?" Irvine asked. "How?"

"I left Squall alone after his operation," Nida said, almost crying. "I went to get something to eat. When I came back, Squall was gone."

Irvine told him it wasn't his fault. He then told Nida about Squall's note.

"He's going to crash Garden?"

There was a pause. "I'm going to have to let you go."

"Irvine?" Nida said. No response. "Irvine!!"

Nida only heard dial tone.

***

Irvine flipped off his cell phone and looked back over the water. The Garden was flying over the ocean. The land was still in sight, since they only left about half an hour ago. That was twenty minutes before they found Rinoa. Irvine was on the edge of the platform that hangs off the garden. The same one Rinoa almost fell to her death on. 

Rinoa...

He was sure he heard someone call his name. He almost thought it was Squall. He hoped it wasn't, there was obviously something very wrong with Squall. He stood up, turned around, and realized that the door to the inside of Garden was open.

Rinoa had only died about fifteen minutes ago, Irvine kept thinking. Wait a second...what does that mean?

"Oh God," Irvine said, realizing.

Squall was still in Garden. There was no telling what might happen.

Irvine looked at the open door again.

"Irvine."

No doubt about it. Squall was calling his name.

"Yes?" Irvine said.

"Come here," Squall's voice called to him.

Irvine walked to the door. He went down the small flight of stairs. He could now see Squall standing in the middle of the hallway. He was wearing his normal clothes, except there were disheveled, as if he only had time to throw them on as he left someplace. And his head was bandaged. Irvine remembered the operation. Squall's face looked normal. Just bruised and very puffy. Irvine noticed that Squall's face lacked it's trademark scar.

"So you'll come when I ask, but when I need it, you won't?" Squall said.

"I knew about your operation," Irvine said. "Seifer and Nida went."

"But you abandoned me," Squall said. "I don't like that. I hate it! I hate that feeling! It's the worst feeling in the world."

"I'm sorry," Irvine said. "But I'm here now."

"Only because you don't have any other choice."

"I have another choice."

"Oh? What is it?" Squall sounded amused.

"I could not be here."

"True," Squall said. "So true."

Squall advanced on Irvine. Irvine didn't know what happened, it hit him so fast. There was blinding pain in his head, and he fell over backwards. It seemed to take forever for him to hit the ground.

***

"Nida," Dr. Ross said. "I have some bad news."

Nida didn't need any more bad news. "What is it?"

"It's Irvine Kinneas," Dr. Ross said. "He's been badly wounded. They're bringing him by boat to the hospital."

"What happened to him?" Nida said. He wasn't feeling much grief yet. He figured that would come later. "Why by boat?"

"Garden was flying over the ocean between here and FH," the doctor said. "He got attacked by Squall. His jaw was almost completely destroyed. He can barely breathe. And one of his legs is broken badly."

"Oh no," Nida said. He blamed himself for this, too.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Nida," Dr. Ross said.

"What about Squall?"

"He's gone missing," Dr. Ross said. "We don't know where he is."

Nida sat back down. He thought about where Squall might be. How would someone crash an in-flight Balamb Garden? Nida realized, and he stood up.

"How can I get to the Garden?" he said.

"You can go by boat," Dr. Ross said. "Why?"

"I have to fix this," he said. "I'm going to get Squall back."

"You'll need men," Dr. Ross said. "I'll contact the Garden and tell them to send Irvine's escort here."

"Okay," Nida said, getting up from the chair he was sitting on.

Dr. Ross made the call. Within twenty minutes, two SeeDs walked into the hospital. Dr. Ross and Nida greeted them. "I'm glad you're here," Nida said.

"I'm Nick," Nick said.

"I'm Steve," Steve said.

"I'm Nida," Nida said. "We have to go to Garden."

"Okay," Nick said.

"Why?" Steve said.

"Because I know where Squall is."

***

When Nida, Nick, and Steve arrived at Garden, it was an unusual scene. Where there was typically ambient noise caused by people talking, the only sound was that of the Garden's massive engines. And where one usually could see people, there were none.

"So, where's Squall, Nida?" Nick said.

"He's in the MD level," Nida said.

"Squall is the only one with a key to the MD level, though," Steve said.

"No, I have one too," Nida said, holding up the key.

"You!?" Nick exclaimed. "How did you get a copy?"

"I'm the pilot, remember?"

A pause.

"No," Steve said.

"Well, I'm the pilot," Nida said, pretending not to care. "I can open every door in Garden."

"Wow!" Nick and Steve said in unison.

"Yeah, now let's get going," Nida said, and headed towards the elevator.

Inside the elevator, Nida inserted his key, and gave a twist. The little compartment containing the MD Level button popped open, and Nida pushed it. The elevator went down.

And down.

And down.

And then, it went down ever farther.

Okay, I'm done.

The elevator slowed to a stop. Nida and the two SeeDs got out, and were presented with a small hallway, ending in an open hatch. Yes, Squall was definitely here. They dropped down into the oily pipe area thing. Nida first, Nick second, Steve last. Nida noticed a rodlike object sitting on the ground, about five yards down the curve of the pipe. He walked over to it.

Picking it up, he said, "It's Irvine's gun."

Steve said, "Yeah, I was wondering why he didn't have it on him earlier."

"Squall must have taken it, then left it here," Steve said.

"Well, now I have a weapon," Nida said. "I don't want to use it, though."

They continuted, and eventually came to a huge open room that contained a pillar that extended about fifty yards up, to meet and support the ceiling, the first floor of the Garden. There was a ladder extending from the base of the pillar over to a room on the far wall. The ladder looked as if it had chrashed though the window.

"Are we supposed to climb that?" Nick said.

"I hope not," Nida said.

Steve pointed. "Hey, we probably go there."

He was pointing to a section of railing that had slid away, revealing a ladder, leading down.

"I'm already tired of ladders," Nick said.

They went over and climbed the ladder. They came to a large oil vat. There was a bridge going across, and another ladder going down. They noticed the sound of Garden's engines was considerably louder.

"Smells," Nick said.

"Get over it, Nick," Steve said.

When they reached the ladder, they could barely see the bottom of it, it was so dark down there.

"Another frickin' ladder!" Nick the Complainer said.

He went down the ladder, follwing Nida and Steve.

It took them several minutes of descending in total darkness to reach the bottom, where there was only a small unrailed catwalk, another ladder, and a door.

"I'm goin' in there," Nick said.

"Okay, fine," Nida said. "Tell us if you find anything."

Nick went in, while Nida and Steve went down the next ladder.

***

Nick was alone in the dark room. He searched the walls for a light switch or a flaslight or lamp, anything that would give some light. He stood defeatedly in the center of the room, threw up his arms in frusteration and said, "No damned lights. Great."

He thought he heard something, like a footstep on the hard metal floor.

What was that? he thought.

He felt blindly around in the darkness.

Suddenly, there was blinding pain in his stomach. He let out a scream, and held his belly. He felt something warm and wet. Then he felt a new pain, in the side of his head, and he blacked out.

***

Nida and Steve continued down the ladder. When they got to the bottom, they found a catwalk that led into the main engine room. The control panel was in Cid's office, so it was a big empty dropoff. Well, empty except for another darned ladder.

"Have you ever been down here?" Steve asked Nida.

"No," Nida said. He looked down on the floor. The ladder was only about ten feet tall. It ended at the floor. There were many catwalks in the huge engine room, and monstrous machinery everywhere, creating a kind of maze. The noise was very loud.

If someone wanted to crash Balamb Garden, this was a good place to do it.

"Should we split up?" Steve said.

"Do you want to?" Nida said.

"No," Steve said. "He'll kill me if I'm by myself!"

The lights flickered. Nida and Steve looked up at the lights nervously. They flickered again, but did not go out, luckily.

"Let's just go," Nida said, and they continued into the mechanized maze o' machinery.

There was a rythmic tapping on metal. Someone coming down the ladder?

"Maybe it's just Nick," Steve said, sounding nervous.

"I hope," Nida said.

The footsteps stopped. Save for the engines, which were very quiet for their size, there was silence. They waited, trying not to make noise, listening for anything.

The lights went out. Nida and Steve's pulses quickened considerably, as massive quantities of adrenaline were introduced into their bodies. Nida and Steve couldn't see anything at all.

There was suddenly an ear-splitting noise. The warning sirens!

Nida could just barely hear Steve yell, "The hell is that!?"

Nida motioned to a small room, with lights and all, about a hundred yards away. Steve nodded, and the two began to Solid Snake their way over to the office. It took two minutes of blaring sirens to realize he was alone.

Nida stopped dead. "Steve?" he said, feeling in the darkness for his SeeD buddy. His hands found only air.

I can't really do anything about it, Nida thought. Might as well keep going.

His head was banging from the noise. His back hurt from the gun, on its shoulder strap, bashing into him. His mind hurt from the stress of the situation. He was alone, and he knew Squall, who has killed one and maimed another, was in the room with him. Nida arrived at the office. He went in and tried to close the door quietly behind him. Not that it mattered in this racket. When the door closed, he could barely hear the sirens. His head still hurt like the dickens, though.

He turned around and saw a spacious office room, with an old computer in the corner on a desk.

That has to be at least seventeen years old, Nida thought, glad to take his attention away from the situation as soon as possible, if only for a short time. I'll bet it only has EstharOS 3.11.

Nida went back to the door. He reached to lock it, only to discover it had no lock.

Oh man, he though. I'm in trouble now...

He looked around the room for a means of escape. He looked under chairs and behind cabinets, but found no exits aside from the door he used to get in. He also noted that this room was the master control office, with a large panel near the old console. So Squall would undoubtably come eventually.

He decided to just sit on a chair and steady his nerves. Or try to. Although for Nida it seemed a lot longer, he only sat for a few minutes.

After a few moments of sitting, Nida figured he would go look around for Squall. Perhaps Steve managed to subdue him, and then couldn't find me, he thought.

Wishful thinking, Nida, he thought, you know he's after you.

There was a clanking sound at the door. It opened, and standing in the doorway was Squall, looking very, very angry. He must be insnane, Nida thought.

"Hello, Squall," Nida said. His voice betrayed his fear.

"Nida," Squall said. "My only friend."

Nida didn't know what to think of this.

"All the others deserted me, Nida," Squall said. "I hate that... Just like back then."

Back then?

"Is that why you want to crash the Garden?"

"But you came to make sure I was okay," Squall said, without answering. "That doctor...he left the TV on."

The TV? Nida couldn't remember...

"The TV made me realize how much life needs to go away," Squall said.

The TV! That's right--Dr. Ross must have left the TV on that Pokemon marathon by accident...It was also possible that Squall suffered brain damage from the accident. Either of these could account for Squall's apparent insanity.

"You can't kill everyone in Garden, Squall," Nida said. He thinks I'm his friend, Nida thought. I'm safe from him.

"But I'm going to," Squall said. "It won't take much. The Garden is flying over the ocean. It'll sink, and nobody will be able to get out. And if they do, Garden will suck them in as it goes down!" Squall appeared happy about this.

"But it's wrong," Nida said feebly.

Squall suddenly exploded with rage. "So is letting me sit for hours in agony, wondering if my friends show up! So is spending your time at a festival while your friend lies in a hospital, having his face reconstructed and his testicles removed!" Squall said. "I'm just getting my revenge. They deserve it. Especially after all that 'open up, Squall' and 'we're your friends, Squall!'"

"I'm not going to let you do this," Nida said. "You can't kill everyone."

"You're my best friend, Nida. You should support my decision."

"I was also Rinoa's and Irvine's and Nick's and Steve's. Irvine will live, but not the others," Nida said, his eyes welling up with tears.

"I'm gonna do it," Squall went over to the control panel. "If I throw this switch, there'll never be another Garden Festival or Balamb Garden SeeD again. Even if you turn it back on, you'll have to wait for the generators to come back online."

"There's always other SeeDs," Nida said. "People will rebuild the things you take from them." Whoa. Deja vu.

"I'm gonna throw it, Nida," Squall said. "Brace yourself."

Nida's mind raced. What to do? He recalled the weight on his back. He pulled the gun over his head and into his grip. He pointed it at Squall.

"Didn't your mom tell you not to point stuff like that at people?" Squall said, mocking Nida's sudden bravery. His hand still rested on the main power switch. "You could put an eye out."

This was definitely _not_ Squall. Squall was nice. This person was evil.

"Didn't yours tell you not to kill people?" Nida said, who was scared into the aforementioned sudden bravery. "You'll put hundreds of lives out."

"It's a small price to pay," Squall said. He moved to flip the switch. "You're my best friend..."

You're wrong!

"...you wouldn't shoot me."

You're wrong!

There was a loud explosion, and Nida felt his feet leave the ground. He struck his head on a filing cabinet behind him. The world went dark. 

Nida wasn't sure how much time passed between the explosion and until he was hauled to his feet by two SeeDs.

"What happened?" Nida said, when he was conscious enough to do so.

"You did it," the SeeD on his left said.

"You saved Garden," the other SeeD told him.

Nida looked over to the control panel, and saw Squall's body hanging on the control panel, his hand reaching for the power switch. Nida realized that the explosion was the gunshot from Irvine's powerful rifle. The shockwave that lifted him off the ground was the kick. He had never fired a gun before...

Nida felt as though there was some other way. He felt guilty. But then again, he felt proud of himself. He only felt this way at times that were few and far between. He felt now that he was the hero. But he couldn't help crying.

Poor Squall, huh? Well, I just want to remind you that I love all the FF8 characters, including Squall, so I'm not doing any bashing, here. Again, this is a parody of _The Terminal Man_ by Michael Crichton, which is an excellent book. Go read it now!


End file.
